Saturday, January 3, 2015

In Which we Leave One Paradise for Another, I Meet a Depressed Funicular, and I have the best Paleta EVER.

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This was the view from breakfast this morning. You probably wish I would shut the hell up about pools and paradise etc., especially as I hear it is freezing in Victoria, but I’m not going to so, sorry about that.

We have been staying in a fabulous condo in a huge complex called Punta Esmeralda, which is just between Bucerias and La Cruz. It’s about an hour north of Puerto Vallarta. I’m not usually so enthralled with these sorts of places, but this one is amazing. Our condo is a penthouse overlooking the rest of the complex, with its eight pools, and the Pacific Ocean beyond that. The walls are all sliding doors that open completely giving unobstructed access to the balcony. It’s really so amazing I can’t quite believe it. This is what happens when you leave everything to the last minute and happen to luck out completely. The problem is that I feel like I live here now. Sigh.

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The rest of the place is like paradise with pools and waterfalls and gardens and a great restaurant/bar.

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The menus are always interesting here but this one puzzled me. Were they strictly for divorcees? Would I become divorced if I ate them? Were they divorced themselves? I didn’t even bother to ask – my Spanish is passable but not that good. Besides, eggs are not my thing.

They really have thought of everything here, including installing a funicular to ease the uphill trek from beach to condo. So thoughtful!

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I decided to try it out, which went directly against my resolution (and I use the term loosely) to take the stairs. I pressed the button and waited. And waited. Finally, the cogs and pulleys started shaking and moving and eventually, the car door opened:

Me: Hey, funicular, how goes the battle today?

Funicular: I don't know I just can’t seem to get going.

Me: How about if I press this button here?

Funicular: Yeah that might work.

Me: Alright then. I have pressed the button. Should I press it again?

Funicular: Maybe a few times. Like ten or so.

Me: Ok how’s that?

Funicular: That should do it (starts moving very slowly, and loudly).

Me: Busy today?

Funicular: What? I’m sorry I can’t hear you.


Funicular: Around 11am I think.

Me: Forget it.

Funicular: Do you mind if I just stop here for a bit?

Me: Sure what the heck. Everything ok?

Funicular: It’s just that sometimes I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality and I’m just going to start backsliding, you know what I mean?

Me: Oh…really? That is too bad. You should maybe talk to someone about that. The repairman or someone…You know I just remembered I left my wallet here at the 3rd floor so I’m just going to get out here. Have a great day, Funicular.

Funicular: I thought we were going all the way to the top?

Me: You go on ahead I’ll catch up.

Funicular: Nobody loves me.

Me: That’s not true. Look here comes Debbie and Ron from Wisconsin.They look like they are all over going to the top. Have a great day!

Funicular: Well…ok.

Me (to Debbie and Ron): Lookout he’s not having his best day ever…

Debbie: Pardon me?

Me: Nothing. Have a great day!

I noticed later that it was out of order so I hope Funicular got the help he needed.

I will end here by mentioning this delectable item which put me firmly back in paradise: the Nutella Patella. Creamy, so creamy. and delicious. SO DELICIOUSLY CREAMY. I must learn how to make these. I could make a killing on Hornby Island in the summer.

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Thanks for reading,


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