Madeira Day 1-2: In Which our AirBnB is Mistaken for a Church, We Find the Shire, and the Swimming is Excellent.

Our AirBnB here in Madeira is located in the tiny town of Seixal on the north-west coast of Madeira. There are quite a few places to stay here, but none of them are located right on the dock, like ours is. Built in the 1800s, it used to be a storage facility for wine casks that were either coming or going by sea. Since then it has been transformed into a unique vacation rental that looks very much like it could be a nice set of changing rooms for folks visiting the natural swimming pools or nearby black sand beach, or perhaps a cafe?  

The windows and doors all have giant wooden shutters on them that we open during the day, so I can understand the curiosity.

We've already had more than one group of people just about walk right in the door while we were eating breakfast. One couple was very surprised that it wasn't, in fact, a church, especially on a Sunday morning. We've actually considered the possibility of setting up a small bar and trying to make some cash off the local tourists. It would be good for a laugh. Or putting a sign out front that says 'Museum', posing like mannequins inside, and then scaring the shit out of them when they come in. Stay tuned.

We spent our first day getting acquainted with the island, which is basically a stunningly beautiful jagged green rock rising up out of the Atlantic Ocean 550 km off the coast of northwest Africa. You quickly get a sore neck around here from gaping at the jaw-dropping scenery. 

 

Unless you're driving a car in which case you better keep your eyes on the road. There are no signs here telling you not to look at your phone; if you did accidentally take your eyes off the road for a split second, you would quickly end up either going the wrong way or driving into a building, or possibly launching your vehicle off a cliff. There is no blinking here and don't even think about sneezing. In fact, with the exception of a mountain pass in the middle of a snowstorm, driving pretty much anywhere else is the equivalent of drooling in a corner compared with driving here.

Also, tunnels. This place must hold some sort of international record for most amount of tunnels, or longest tunnels, or just best tunnels, or shiniest tunnel interiors, or longest windiest tunnels. I've never seen so many tunnels. I did have a video of some of the tunnel driving but it is nausea-inducing so I thought I'd leave it out and you can just imagine them instead. 

After a hair-raising drive across the island, we made it to Funchal, (pronounced Fonk-chonkle. No just kidding it's pronounced Fungy-Chalpo. No, I'm pulling your leg. It's pronounced Funkle-Dunkle. No really, the locals call it Funicello, after Annette Funicello who never lived here.  Actually, I don't know how it's pronounced, but I do know it was founded in the 1400s, and has a beautiful old cathedral. One nice thing is that the Portuguese didn't enslave the indigenous population when they moved onto the island due to it being uninhabited, but they did use it as a staging ground for the slave trade, so there's that shitty little fact. Madeira's other claims to fame are that Christopher Columbus lived here for a while before ruining lives around the world, and, more importantly, that this is the birthplace of Christiano Ronaldo. 

You know who I mean - he was the mascot for a chain of fast-food restaurants before turning to professional football.

We spent some time wandering the tangle of old cobble-stoned streets, and I dragged everyone into the 550 year old cathedral.

Pretty impressive, if you like gold-leaf and organized religion. 

Less impressive was this mystery fruit, which was labelled as Maruaca banana. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this - kind of a pomegranate-meets-corn type of experience that I don't feel the need to replicate again anytime soon.

Apart from this little piece of weirdness, the food here has been unbelievable. We haven't had a bad meal yet; amazing fish and seafood, lots of vegetables, and delicious bread, not to mention the pastries. Oh and the gelato. And it doesn't matter if you're at a fancy restaurant or a local snack bar, as they call them, it's all delicious.

One of our first road trips took us up to what must be one of the most beautiful places in the world; the Fanal forest. It was like wandering into the Shire -I kept expecting to see Gandalf ride up on a cart, or Frodo pop out from behind a tree. It was also pretty high up: around 1100 metres. 

Apparently it's typically shrouded in fog, which would have made it more like something from The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, but we hit it on a sunny day at it was pure magic.

One of the famed wild Madeiran cows you've heard so much about. They make a nice vinho blanco from their milk. (No, they don't...)

Due to the volcanic nature of the island, one of the most impressive features is the natural pools that can be found along the northern coast of the island. We have one right out front of our place:

We haven't been in swimming here yet, but we did have a fantastic afternoon at the local pools at Porto Moniz - the next town over from us:

There was every kind of language being spoken around us, and you'll be glad to hear June and Tony were there sitting at a table near us while we enjoyed ice creams and beers after our swim. 

June: Quite rocky here, isn't it.

Tony: Quite, wot, Luv?

June: Rocky. Lots of rocks aren't there.

Tony: I expect so, yes, Luv.

June: Our Claire would love it here wouldn't she. 

Tony: Has she brought more milk yet?

June: No, she's at home, isn't she.

Tony: I meant the waitress, Luv.

June: 

Tony: Shall we walk up over that bridge there?

June: I've not finished my tea. You haven't either.

Tony: Have they got sandwiches here? 

June: You've had your sandwich already. Cheese and tomato.

Tony: I could eat another. I'll just wander up to that bridge now.

June: I've not had my ice cream yet today. They've got some lovely ones here, haven't they. 

Tony: 

June: Right well that's him gone then. I'll get me own.

I could spend a few more weeks here...

The sky here is amazing - I'd love a few hours with a telescope. So much less light pollution out here in the middle of nowhere makes for some beautiful night skies:

More tomorrow, including some great heights, and some extreme disappointment involving wicker baskets.