Sunday, June 30, 2013

Day 5 and 6 Yorkshire – In Which Twinkies are Expensive, We Sample Cheese and the Cousins are Lovely.

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While the English accent can vary noticeably from town to town, it seems that, to the English, there is just one accent for the entire land mass from the North Pole to the Mexican Border, and that accent is American. We have probably been asked a dozen times where we are from and when we say ‘Canada’, they usually nod knowingly, and then go on about America this and America that.

So far I’ve been pretty patient about it, but I might start to get annoyed, especially tomorrow on Canada Day. It’s like the woman at the grocery store:

Lady: Where you frum then luff?

Me: Canada

Lady(nodding knowingly): Yes ah thought ah heard an American accent

Me: No no I said Canada

Lady: Ah’ve bin to America ah have.

Me: Have you been to Canada?

Lady: Yes Ah’ve been to Chicago. Lovely it were.

Me: Was it windy?

Lady: And of course Florider too

Me: Hellooo

Lady: Me ‘usband hayted it though. Couldn’t wait ta get back.

Me: you have a purple frog on your head

Lady: Ahd go back in an ‘artbeat though yes I wood. Spend more time there to get a feel for it.

Me (making robot movements): I am an emissary from the robot revolution I am going to kill you in five seconds

Lady: well haff a luvely oliday then wont you and here’s your change. Say hi to America for me and tell them I’ll be back soon

Me:You cracy lady, me no love you long time. You annoy me you CRACY lady you know nusing!

Jacob: come on, Mum, let’s go.

The English actually seem to be a bit obsessed with America. For example, we found a sweet shop in Skipton that sold individual Twinkies for 2.50 pounds EACH. That’s like $4 a Twinkie! And they are obviously out of a box, which you can also buy for the equivalent of about $25.

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Are they crazy? I asked the guy if he knew what was in a Twinkie and he said ‘cream’. So, no, they don’t know what is in a Twinkie. I told him they would be the only thing to survive the apocalypse and he just stared at me like I had three heads. He probably didn’t understand my Canadian accent.

But it seemed like his most prized item on offer was this box of Froot Loops.

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Please note this is a “Genuine American Article” and not some shoddy “cheap imitation” and it can be yours for the equivalent of about $12.

The jars of Marshmallow Fluff were also a hot ticket item, going for about $10 each. I think I may have found my business option here: open an ‘American’ grocery and charge an outrageous amount of money for genuine American ‘food’. I bet I wouldn’t be able to keep enough string cheese on the shelves.

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Speaking of genuine food articles, these chips were for sale at a market stall on the street. Hmmm.  Something is not quite right.

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The Mr. Porky product didn’t seem to be moving very quickly, either. The marketing team must have been asleep when they named this one. Who wants to eat Mr. Porky? Don’t answer that.

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Fortunately the next stall was selling cheese, and lots of it. Our Cheese Man was happy to give us generous sample of whatever we wanted, and so as not to appear rude, I ended up trying a lot of cheese, and also bought a lot. The best was a Yorkshire Blue, although there was a delicious Sheep’s milk cheddar as well that I may need to go back for more.

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You could also by fresh butter in huge blocks.

We also picked up bread, and jars of fresh farmer’s pickle and we may have bought a few cakes as well. This was all so that we could make our own Ploughman’s Lunch when my Aunt Daphne, and cousin Julie came for a visit with her husband Simon and son Oliver.

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This picture is actually freaking me out as Jacob looks like a freakin GIANT and everyone else looks like miniature versions of themselves. I guess I’m just getting used to how tall he is and don’t really notice until I see a picture of him. Wow.

It was really great to see them and they are as lovely as ever. Simon and Julie could run their own comedy show 24/7 – I actually don’t know how the surgeons in the operating room where Julie works as a nurse manage to carry out surgery with her around. She must have to just keep her mouth shut the whole time or they would all be staggering around holding each other up laughing.

We had lunch at the house then drove to the village of Ingleton where there is a fairly impressive (for England) set of waterfalls.

To do the whole walk would have been a couple of hours which we didn’t realize when we showed up in flip flops and without any water. But that didn’t matter because the forest was as green as can be, the river was tea-coloured, and the air was actually sweet with the smell of wild onion. All along the way, walkers have pushed two-penny coins into trees and logs. I have no idea why, but it’s kind of cool. We laughed and chatted our way along a beautiful trail beside a river that led up to one of the waterfalls, played Pooh Sticks, and then turned around and came back.

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We ended our perfect English Countryside Experience by having tea at the local tea shop.

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At the table behind us were June and Tony, Margery and Alan, and Suzanne and Emma. They really get around.

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And then we went round the corner and of course, there was a cricket game going on and someone was just yelling HOOWWWWZZZAAATTT or whatever they say.

We went home a happy bunch, then felt sad at having to say goodbye. But there’s always next time.

Thanks for reading-



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