In Which We Enjoy Perfect Cocktails at a Delightful Organic Plantation, and Meet a Herd of Wild Boar…

Most of Kauai was, at one point, given over to sugar plantations. There are none in operation anymore, but many of the original plantations still exist, some with the sugar mills still standing. As the sugar and workers needed transporting around the island, there was once an extensive rail system. It’s hard to find any evidence of this anymore (which is a shame – I love a good train ride!) but there is one plantation that has remained open to the public with a variety of ‘attractions’ which include a train ride around the plantation which still grows sugar, as well as many fruit and vegetable crops, a rum distillery (and tasting room!) and a fabulous organic ‘farm to table’ restaurant.

We decided a visit was in order and so we arrived just in time to board the open air cars. The tour was tame (I could probably have crawled faster), but we did get to see an astounding display of fruits, many of which I had never heard of or seen before. The announcer was amusing and reminded me of the ‘safari guides’ on the Jungle Cruise at Disneyland, but he was hard to hear over the yabbering of the Hawaiian family sitting in front of us. I am not sure why they were even there as they seemed completely bored with the whole thing. When I could hear him, he was listing off various combinations of fruit that they had managed to produce – what sounded like tangerines and rambutan or lychees and some sort of plum something or other, and pears and grapefruit or whatever. I’m pretty sure they make some of that shit up. I would. I mean who is going to know the difference if you tell them those little brownish-red nut-like clusters are a cross between a Korean Longoyongo and a Tahitian Boralora plum, when actually they are just crab-apples? Not me, my friends. Bring it on I say.

Anyway – the highlight of the trip came when we stopped by a field of “pet” wild boars. The population of people in Kauai in 64000, and the boar population is 333000!  It’s open season all the time for hunters in an attempt to keep the population down. I don’t think it’s working.

These boars are, well, boorish, with faces only a mother could love. They all rushed over toward us as the train pulled up, and it was a sight to remember.

After the boar episode, we wandered the grounds and, surprisingly, the boys found their way to the rum tasting session. We all convened at 22 North, a beautiful ‘Farm to Table’ restaurant offering only local organic food. We sadly were in between meals and were forced to endure a sampling, instead, of local cocktails and mocktails. Mine, a Ginger Orange Julep, was amazing and consisted of ginger syrup in soda water with muddled blood orange with a bit of fresh mint. So delicious.

Kent had a mojito with local grapefruit, mint, lime and Koloa dark rum made on site. Also delicious.

Pepi had a similar concoction but with African blue basil and something else that escapes me now…

Mel ordered a variation on a pina colada but with lavender essence and local rum. Totally unique and amazing.

 

All these drinks were created for us by the incredible Laurie who really know her stuff, and took pleasure in telling us all about the farm and the produce grown on site that she uses in her specialty drinks, right down to the ginger syrup. One in a million – I’m glad we found her.

 

While we adults enjoyed our drinks, Jacob entertained us with small red prickly fruit similar to lychees known as Rambutan.

Meet Rambutan man:

 

More tomorrow!

Shoppers Trample Each Other at Kauai Farmers Market! Mother Screams Revenge!

Ok so I have a thing for Farmers Markets. I admit it. I just LOVE the bounty all laid out, I love the way the vendors know the best way to prepare their produce, the way everyone wanders amiably, baskets over their arms. I love the relaxed happy feeling.

And so it was that with all these joyful thoughts in mind that we headed out to the local Kauai Sunshine Market (as they are known here) at the Koloa Ball Park which just happens to be a block away from our house.

The market starts at 12noon sharp and we were advised to be there at 11:30am. I wasn’t clear exactly why we had to be there so early but we dutifully showed up at 11:40am. I was a bit surprised to see that quite a crowd had already gathered. I could see a grouping of umbrellas 100m or so down the driveway but there was some kind of barricade stopping us from proceeding. We all milled around in the scorching heat until a man appeared waving a banana leaf like some kind of Jesus character bidding us all to heed him. I could hear him going on about something – it sounded like a huge list of rules and regulations about shopping at the market and so I tuned him out fairly quickly.

It was about a bazillion degrees by then and the natives were getting restless. People had started edging toward the front of the crowd. At this point, dude with the banana leaf had invited “any invalids, or pregnant women, or those over the age of 90” to have a “head start”. A head start at what? What was going on? Had I showed up at some sort of Farmers Market Reality show? Was this a contest? Who are these people? A few seconds later a whistle sounded and so began the farmers market equivalent of the the Running of the Bulls, Kauai style. The crowd surged forward toward the 20 or so market stalls. I was caught up in the crowd and carried into the fray and before I knew it I had purchased 4 avocados, and a bunch of bananas from a 4ft high Filipino lady who alternated between shrieking at her 3ft high elderly mother who was apparently having difficulty figuring out the correct change, and shrieking “ONE DOLLA ONE BUNCH A BANANA” at the madding crowd.

I was finally able to break free from the banana stall only to find myself at a stall selling fresh greens and lettuce. I quickly found myself with 3 small lettuce and, somehow, a bunch of oregano. I had the bad luck to have also placed myself between Deb from Somewhere Small in the midwest and her husband, whom I will call Paul, as that must be his name. There conversation went like this:

Deb(to Paul, who was holding a red loose-leaf lettuce) will you be able to make slaw outta that?

Paul: I don’t think so. It’s a bit floppier than most cabbage I’m used to

Vendor: That no cabbage that lettuce

Deb: I told you.

Paul: No you didn’t. You said get one of those cabbages there and you pointed to this one.

Vendor: I have cabbage over here. That no cabbage.

Paul: (to the vendor) what do we do with this one?

Vendor: you eat it in a salad.

Deb: just put it back, Paul.

Paul: Maybe we should go back to Safeway

Yes, Deb and Paul, you should definitely go back to Safeway, preferably in the small town where you live. And if you are reading this, please do some research before you go to another farmers market.

Fortunately, I looked up at this point, and spotted some other members of our group. This was enough to shake me out of my crazed state of mind. I broke free and stumbled into the open area in the middle of the market. Unfortunately, though, it was too late for Kent and he had succumbed badly to the mania. He started barking out orders like “WHAT ABOUT STARFRUIT?” and “WE’LL NEED AT LEAST 42 ORANGES” and “WILL THOSE MUSHROOMS LAST US ALL WEEK?”

The crowd seemed to reach a frenzy of buying and within about 10 minutes, many stalls were nearly bare. I did notice, however, that after all the tourists thinned out, many of the vendors pulled out fresh stock and also lowered their prices. Next time I’m going to skip the pre-market lecture, and the frenzied crowd, and show up at 12:15, rebel that I am.

After the dust had settled, we took stock. We were all hot and a bit cranky, but lunch was super good!

Jesus leading his disciples.

That’s Deb and Paul across the table.

Macadamia Nuts. I was surprised to learn that they don’t grow naturally covered in chocolate. What kind of place is this??

Zoe trying a Rambutan. Not so much on the Rambutan…

Did you know it takes a pineapple plant two years to grow a pineapple? It took us about 5 minutes to eat this one….

 

 

Poor Silas got a bit hot…

After recovering from the market, lunch was especially good. That’s fresh greens, homemade pasta salad, pollock strips prepared with some kind of delicious vinegar sauce, and octopus salad. Nice!

Later, I tried to play some golf but I really am so terrible that it’s not worth discussing.

Jacob hunted down a Durian Fruit from the property and massacred it on the lawn. Yuck.

We rounded out the day with some kite flying, a spot of ping pong and anther fabulous dinner. Yes, that is Kent with a cabbage leaf on his head.

 

Another tough day. At least there were no frogs involved.

In which Pepi almost Cuts off his Big Toe, and we Have Some Delicious Chicken…

Our intention today was to drive north up and around the island to one of the best places on earth (in my humble opinion) Hanalei Bay. This huge bay of beautiful blue water is fringed with golden sand and a backdrop of green mountains that fold up and around the bay and town of Hanalei. Serious surfers head out to the eastern point of the bay where epic waves rear up out of the water then crash down, shooting tiny little people out the end of the tunnel. Amazing to watch but way out of my league.

I have found my bliss here on past visits with a boogie board and some 6ft walls of blue green ocean that appear out of nowhere before crashing over your head. If you are lucky and time it right, you can harness the power and go for a ride all the way to the beach, If you are not so lucky, you can easily end up ass over tea kettle without a clue which way is up, sinuses full of salt water, a mouth full of sand and with or without various parts of your bathing attire. Both versions have happened to me, but really, it’s all so exhilarating that I couldn’t wait to get back out there.

And so it was with great anticipation that we loaded up the Van and headed out for the day. Our first stop was a grocery store for lunch items. All went well until we dropped some beer in the parking lot. Fortunately there was only one broken bottle but it was a bit of foreshadowing for the day.

We carried on, driving through the most excellent town of Kapaa. I love these Hawaiian towns with their unassuming airs and funky low-key vibe. Just north of town I spotted a hand-painted sign advertising Mango Bread. Another sign right after it said ‘Farmer’s Market’. Those of you who know me know that I have a bit of a thing for farmer’s markets and so one hard-left later and there we were parked at the side of the road. Mel had bought some Mango bread before the rest of us were barely out of the car. It was delicious – just like banana bread but made with mangos instead. Across the street was the farmers market but what really caught my attention was the BBQ. A sign advertised Huli Huli chicken, local boar, roast potatoes and fresh corn. Jacob tried the boar and declared it the most amazing thing EVER but I only had eyes for the chickens:

That’s what I’m talking about!

I ordered two of everything and was just bringing it back to the table when Pepi, on his way back from the car with a load of drinks, quietly asked if anyone had any first-aid supplies as he had cut his foot. Well. Suffice to say I actually wondered for a few moments if he had sliced his big toe off at the first knuckle, such was the size of the slice and quantity of blood. A bottle of lemonade had fallen out of the back of the van, broken, and a shard had sliced in to his toe. We bandaged him up as best we could, ate some chicken and then high-tailed it back to Kapaa to the ER room.

Several internal stitches, 6 external stitches, and two hours later (which we spent frolicking in the waves at the local beach) we were back on the road. Pepi’s foot was still bleeding and we were all feeling bad for him as it meant he couldn’t go in the water for a few days (12 actually, according to the doctor but whatever…)

However, Pepi’s not one to let a near amputation slow him down and he insisted we carry on and I didn’t need to hear it twice so off we went again.

The trip was uneventful except for one moment when, approaching a one lane bridge, we noticed a truck pulled over against a rock face by a police car. As we drove by, the cop dropped his baton as he was getting out of the car, the truck reversed and backed into the police car, and then took off, a line-up of several cars formed coming off the bridge, and several large rocks fell to the road. We drove past with our heads turned practically all the way round. As we drove on, we saw several police cars heading back, sirens blaring. High times on Kauai. Not sure exactly where dude in the truck thought he was going to go though. Dude, you’re on an island. A small island. With one main road. I think they are going to find you! Hello! And the cop probably knows your cousin or is your cousin or something!

Anyway. There is a beautiful valley just before you reach Hanalei where they have grown Taro root for generations. It really is spectacular.

 

At least I thought so. Zoe was more interested in the flowers…

By the time we got to the beach I was happy to see that nothing had changed since my last visit. The waves were still rolling in, the water was irresistible, and the sun shining. I was in the water in record time and soon Zoë and I were being thrashed about by the waves. This beach is notorious for rip currents, however, and so I spent a good deal of my time trying to stop Zoe from being sucked out to sea. I finally ditched her back at the beach and spent some joy-filled moments out with the bigger waves.

Back at the beach, Silas had found a hole…

The sun was setting and so we reluctantly packed up and went in search of dinner which was a rather lukewarm affair, but thankfully uneventful, as was the ride home unless you are a frog of which I managed to drive over two. I couldn’t help it and would advise the frogs not to sit in the middle of the road after dark.

I was glad to climb into my super comfy bed and let the trade winds lull me to sleep.

Top 5 great things about New Year’s Day 2011

Today we made the decision to stay at home and spend the day by the pool. It was tough, but someone has to do it and it may as well be me.

Unfortunately, the bug that had been giving Zoe grief over the past couple days with vomiting and general unpleasantness, made an appearance at 3:26am in the form of an extreme earache. I dosed her up with Tylenol and we were able to get back to sleep. She seemed better in the morning but Mean Mum told her she couldn’t get her head wet for 24hours. This made for an interesting day poolside. All in all it went fairly well and I only had to bark at Jacob 65 times to not splash his sister’s head, and he listened about 39 of those times. Not a bad average if you know Jacob.

Top 5 great things about New Year’s Day:

1. Jacob picked fresh coconuts and hacked away at them with his machete (which he carries everywhere these days) until we all had glasses of fresh coconut water and chunks of fresh coconut. Nicely done!

 

 

2. Watching Silas become more and more confident in the water to the point where he would just randomly jump in which would send all the grown-ups running from wherever to rescue him. Then we would breathlessly tell him that next time he needed to tell a grown up BEFORE he jumped in. He would just dance off and say something like “no I don’t” or “I’m not going to do that”. Good thing he’s so cute…

3. After a day by the pool, we have discovered that it is much too much work to actually make dinner and that the thing to do is to go out. So we jumped in the van and headed out to find some yummy takeout which we planned to take to the beach. Well, nothing with yummy takeout was open, it being after 6 on New Year’s Day, which if we had thought about our smug little plan for more than 30 seconds, we probably would have figured out. So we ended up at the Hawaiian equivalent of a touristy strip mall replete with tiki torches and the requisite smell of BBQd meat wafting through the air. We found something to eat and settled ourselves in front of a small outdoor stage where some Hawaiian men wearing sarongs (hello!)were setting up their drums. They entertained us for a few minutes and then abruptly left. We all hung around waiting to see what would happen and were soon rewarded with the arrival of a Hawaiian dance troupe. Now I don’t know about you but my exposure to Hawaiian Hula dancers has been limited to a lunch hour concert outside city hall featuring the local Polynesian Dancers, which usually consists of 5 or 6 middle-aged woman who mean well and I’ll stop there.

I have seen the odd Hula show here in Hawaii but I can only recall school groups with ukuleles with a few authentic Hawaiians swaying along.

This show at the strip mall, however, was not the local Polynesian Dance club. These girls were great. They came out bedecked in feathers and flowers and pretty much nothing else. The drums started up and they started doing something outrageous with their hips. I cannot explain what exactly they were doing except to say that I think many of the world’s problems could be solved if these girls were involved. We all of us sat slack-jawed as the gyrations gained momentum, finally reaching a fever-pitch of lower body mobility and coordination. When they finally left the stage,  I felt like I had aged about 50 years. If the human body was capable of such flexibility, then I had two choices: to realize there is no hope for me and to quit now and just go straight to a walker, preferably one with a fold-down chair, or to get seriously busy and try and save my body before it is too late. Don’t be surprised if you see me up on stage with the Polynesian Dancers at the next Beacon Hill Band Shell lunch time concert. Just sayin’.

2. Zoe’s Freckle Farm :)

1. Falling asleep with just a sheet on the bed, and the sound of the trade winds blowing gently through the house. Ahhhh. Hawaii.

Road trip: Enter Minivan (with apologies to Metallica although there are definitely some similarities…)

Kauai isn’t a huge island. You can drive from the southern tip to the northern point in under 2 hours. and as there is really only 1 road, it makes it pretty easy to get from stunning location to stunning location. As there is 7 of us, we decided we couldn’t do without some sort of vehicle. Enter the minivan. Not really the hang-loose mobile we were thinking of, but beggars can’t be choosers and we ended up as beggars due to a small misunderstanding in which the vehicle we thought we had rented was actually on a different island. whoops. Anyway, Mel and Pepi saved the day and found another van and picked us up at the airport and all was well.

For its first job, the van took us to Costco for a shopping trip to end all shopping trips. Let me just say here that Costco is exactly the same in Kauai as it is in Victoria which is to say it nauseates me just as much the only difference being that here in Kauai you can purchase a 20 pound vat of Spam and I don’t think I have seen that in Victoria. This is in addition to all the other useless items that can be purchased at any Costco such as the 24 pack of spatulas or the 98-piece ratchet set that has been dipped in molten plastic and good luck getting at anything without slitting your wrists in the process.

Anyway, I digress. Costco served its purpose and hopefully we don’t have to go back anytime soon.

Yesterday, we all piled in again, kids in the back, boys in the middle, girls up front, and headed west to check out some great little Hawaiian towns on our way to the Waimea Canyon.

First stop was Hanapepe, known as the home of Lilo and Stitch (who irritate the hell out of me FYI. Somebody shut that thing up!) but more interestingly for its old west feel. All the buildings have false fronts including the boarded up old theatre. The dusty streets have a deserted feel but if you pay attention you’ll see great little art galleries and sleepy cafes. It was smoking hot the day we drove through, however, so we didn’t stick around long.

Next up was Waimea. Apparently it has some sort of cowboy (known as paniolos in Hawaii) history which I didn’t really pay attention to so I can’t tell you much except to say that it is also home to the best shave ice around. What is shave ice, you say? Well it’s a snow cone drizzled with high-fructose corn syrup mixed with red dye # 6, 12, and 14 with Blue Lake #2 on the side. But it’s pretty delicious on a hot day. Jo Jo’s is the place to get it on Kauai as they have no less than 60 flavours. We all lined up, got our shave ices from the dude with the sweater vest and black horn-rims, and hung out listening to the Beatles. It was great.

 

We all squished back in to the van and headed up the 10 miles to Waimea Canyon. The first time I saw this canyon it blew my mind. Where, exactly, had it been hiding? It’s huge, first of all, and absolutely spectacular. You climb to about 3000ft, park the car, walk up a short trail, and then suddenly there is this huge, unexpected, beautiful canyon. It wasn’t any different the second time. I think 3yr old Silas summed it up nicely when, upon seeing the canyon, asked “who painted that"?

I lasted fairly well watching the kids run around with what looked to me like only a few wires separating them from their death, but soon I began having visions of Jacob’s 6ft frame toppling over the flimsy rail, sliding down the red dirt, and disappearing off the edge and into the canyon followed closely by Zoe and Silas, who both do whatever Jacob does. Those of you who know me, will recall that I’m not that great with any heights over about 6 inches so while this is technically not a height, per se, it wasn’t working for me so I wandered off back down the trail and feigned interest in watching a Lesser Spotted Hawaiian Red-Nosed Booby or whatever it was as it puttered around in the dirt.

We bought some fresh fruit and then headed back down the road to Poipu. A brief stop for coffee/tea along the way revealed a dried up, flattened frog at the side of the road. Boys will be boys, it seems, even when they are 40yrs old, as the ex-frog was soon resting comfortably between the hood and windshield of the van where it stayed for some time until we realized that it was blocking the fresh-air intake. Yuck.

The rest of the day was spent at Poipu beach snorkelling and swimming. Or rather, I should clarify, I spent some time either holding a leaky mask to my face, attempting to put on my flippers while the surf knocked me about, trying fruitlessly to adjust Zoe’s mask so that her nose was not sitting in water, or trying desperately not to lose my patience while she repeatedly pulled off her flippers or snorkel complaining that a grain of sand was rubbing the wrong way. I did see some awesome fish, though, including the native Hawaiian Humuhumunukunukuapua’a which is a lovely little fish with purple lips and what appears to be a Zulu flag on its side. So cute!

Jacob made friends with a couple of local fishermen and before I knew it he was helping them set-up their lines.

Another amazing day for which I am grateful :)

More tomorrow…