9. On the plane:
Me (to the flight attendant): Will we be arriving at 12:30?
Flight attendant: Nope. In about 1hour and 30 mins
Me: Wasn’t there an announcement saying we would arrive at 12:30?
Flight attendant: Yes but I was wrong.
Me: Oh…an hour and a half wrong?
Flight attendant: Would you like a drink or not?
8. In the hotel room:
Me, to Zoe, at 3:45am after the alarm had just gone off:
“Did you have a good sleep?”
Zoe: Pretty good, but it would have been better if Dad hadn’t been breathing like Darth Vader
7. In the restaurant at Ikea (killing time in Vancouver)
Woman: Do you want a grilled cheese, Kevin?
Kevin: I thought this was supposed to be Swedish Food
Woman: It is. It’s a Swedish Grilled Cheese. It’s the type of bread they use. It’s probably Swedish. Do you want it or not?
Kevin: Fine.
6. In the ferry line-up for breakfast
Me: Yes I’ll have toast with a side of bacon
Ferry employee: Would you like any eggs?
Me: No, just the bacon and toast thanks.
Ferry employee: They’re really good today.
Me: Uhh…yeah thanks but I’m good with the toast and ba…
Ferry employee (interrupting): Does you daughter want eggs?
Me: I think she’s good with her oatmeal. But thanks.
Ferry employee: Ok just checking.
Me: Great.
5. On the phone with HSBC bank as to why they were not open anywhere in Canada:
Kent: So you’re not open at all?
HSBC: No we are closed, sir, due to the holidays
Kent: That’s ridiculous! Why are you closed on a Wednesday?
Me (whispering loudly): It’s Tuesday today!
Kent: I’m just saying that your bank should be open on a weekday during business hours! How am I going to get any money from my USD account?
HSBC: I am sorry sir but you will be able to access your account tomorrow. We are closed today due to the holidays falling on a Saturday and Sunday and…
Kent: I’m driving around on a Wednesday needing my bank and…
Me (whispering very loudly): Kent it’s Tuesday. IT’s not Wednesday today! Quit saying Wednesday! IT’S TUESDAY!!!
Kent (to me with a confused look): Whaa ?
Me: IT’S TUESDAY!!!!!!
Kent (to HSBC) I’m sorry I’ve just learned that it is Tuesday today….
4. On the phone with HSBC inquiring as to whether or not there is an HSBC branch on Kauai. No word of a lie, this is how it went:
Me: Yes hello I’m wondering if you can tell me if there is an HSBC branch on the island of Kauai in Haw….
HSBC: Where?
Me: The island of Kauai in Hawaii
HSBC: Can you spell that?
Me: Yes it’s K-A-U-A-I
HSBC: Hold please
HSBC five minutes later: Where did you say you needed a branch?
Me: Have you heard of Hawaii?
HSBC: Can you spell that please? (I am NOT KIDDING!)
Me: H-A-W-A-I-I
HSBC: Hold please
Me: Wait!….
HSBC three minutes later: I am sorry I will need more information to see if there is a branch in your requested location
Me: Can't you just google it? What’s going on?? I just want to know if there is a branch of YOUR bank, in Hawaii.
HSBC: I am sorry maam but I will need more information before I can complete that request..
Me: Ok let’s move on.
3. Name of a tile store in Richmond: Many Tile
Well, I guess that’s what they sell. No point in trying to be cute.
2. At Costco in Kauai with our lovely friends Mel and Pepi and Silas, buying some food for our stay:
Mel to Pepi: Do we need to buy those pineapples here? We should get some at a farmer’s market
Pepi, with a fake flower lei around his neck, holding two pineapples, one in each hand: “Oh come on! They’re good! I even saw Hawaiian people buying them!”
(Hawaiian person ahead of us in line smothers a laugh)
Mel: Oh alright then. If Hawaiian people are buying them…
Silas (3yrs old): Hey everyone quit arguing about Hawaiian People.
1. Observed on a HUGE sign, as you pass through the final check of US Customs at Vancouver Airport into the gates for departures to US destinations:
"WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA”
Have they not figured out that they are still in Vancouver Airport and that Vancouver Airport is actually still in CANADA??? Hello? Hello?? Who has the brain today? Apparently not the Department of Homeland Security. It’s actually so ridiculous that it’s kind of cute.
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